Current Absence

Hey there I hope you are well. March was the last time I posted something original. I have been on a bit of a journey this year, trying to find myself. Pulled between styles, pin up and painterly, generally uninspired, and in a state of shock at the world. Ai slop everywhere, so precisely done it hurts to look at. I think something broke in me: I took a painting class (through a very well-known painter) where we generated our references through Ai, at the time I did not realize how strongly I hated Ai and thought that this may indeed be a good way to generate a reference. nope. this project kind of broke me, halfway through I decided my painting did not look like 'my' painting, and I started to change it, much to the dismay of the instructor who seemed to be more about technique over preserving the concept of creation from within. It wasn't that what I did was better or worse than the reference it was that I did not follow the reference. To each their own I suppose, but to see that I was not showing my own style in the name of something that Ai created just left me sour. I did not submit my piece for the show. I added so many extra details of my own, and now she is in my studio...an experiment that helped me develop my disdain for Ai and even using it as a reference. One thing I did like was that I pulled out my oils again (and still have not put them away entirely) I have started working on more tactile things, like light sketching writing gardening and making small jewelry and trinkets. I have been dividing my attention between Astrology, and theological research and my site thatprettywitch.com - my other passions I still paint and draw just not my typical pin up and lady-figured faire. Maybe I just needed a change of subject matter. I just find it hard to paint a sexy lady dripping in jewels and luxury while my rights are being assaulted, genocide is happening right before our eyes, and just the other day Free Speech was targeted in America because someone said they do not like the president. I want to continue to add humanness to the internet, things written by a human, created fully by a human, but I feel I am just providing free content for people to keep wasting their time on social media. I used to care about views and engagement so much, and then I realized this is not engagement, at all. It's just adding to the lack of attention and distraction from the state of things. I understand that an artist's voice is important in these times, but I fear I have paid so much attention to what the algorithm wanted I may have lost my voice, or at least I have to spend more time finding it. Which is what I suppose I am doing now.

What I intend to do, is build something here. I will post my work here, blogs about the process, small video captures of the painting process. I am going to make it like Myspace, where you come to visit with intention, stay a while to look around, read a blog post, ask a question, maybe buy a small print, without 20 million other things trying to creep in for your attention. Maybe give you just a moment of respite before being bombarded back in the real world and not hide it all behind a paywall. That's what I wanted my art to do for people, capture them for just a moment in their thought space, a quiet space where they went into another time and place, had an experience and left with something new. I will find me again. She's always here somewhere. I'll be back. Thank you for reading, and being on this journey with me, even if it is just for this moment.